Bornfreund 鈥� a senior fellow at New America, where she previously was director of early and elementary education policy 鈥� shines a light on academic pressure on young children. In her book, she digs into the history of kindergarten and how it鈥檚 changed, chronicles her visits to over 50 classrooms in 13 states, and speaks to education and policy experts about ideas for transforming kindergarten to prioritize how kids learn best.

Kindergarten is regarded as the connector between pre-K and early elementary grades, but Bornfreund views the entire journey from pre-K through third grade as critical for young children鈥檚 development. 

In order for these years to lay a sturdy foundation for everything that follows, the kindergarten experience should , including connections with peers and teachers. Over the years, however, kindergarten has become increasingly according to Bornfreund, particularly in the aftermath of the No Child Left Behind Act, which became federal law in 2002. 鈥淭he new emphasis on testing and accountability under the law put pressure on schools and teachers to achieve at higher levels for each child,鈥� she wrote.

The book laments the state of kindergarten today, where classroom experiences are overly scripted and funding is insufficient in many communities. At the same time, Bornfreund finds teachers who are providing meaningful experiences for young learners against the odds. In the conversation below, she shares her perspective on what a strong kindergarten experience looks like and offers insights on how schools, families and policymakers can reshape kindergarten to help children thrive. 

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Why are children entering kindergarten with such a wide range of abilities?

That kindergarten year is the first accessible-to-all opportunity into formal public education. Even as widespread as pre-K has become, not everyone has access to that public opportunity, but every child does have access to kindergarten. If they attended a high-quality pre-K, the kindergarten year can often be somewhat of a repeat for them. If they were in childcare or any other kind of early childhood environment, it’s going to be pretty jarring. Or if they didn’t have any formal preschool experience at all, it can be fairly jarring. And so there does need to be more attention to 鈥� all the different types of experiences that children have before they get into kindergarten.

What are the key differences between children who have had some kind of formal experience before kindergarten and those who have not?聽

While pre-K often does build early literacy and numeracy skills, it’s also focused on the whole child. So the executive function that helps students to be able to sit and listen and line up and understand what it means to wait their turn, but also the social and emotional development. And that is one of the areas that is lacking in a lot of kindergarten [classrooms], not because teachers don’t understand that it’s important or don’t want to be able to focus more on the whole child, but because the schedule in many places 鈥� is so rigid, and the expectations of what teachers should be doing with students in kindergarten classrooms don鈥檛 allow for time to focus on those whole-child areas. 

Where did you find school districts that draw upon the research with the most fidelity?

The really transformed, starting with pre-K, and built their own curriculum. It’s called the focused on preschool, pre-K, kindergarten and they’ve also gone up to second grade.聽 鈥� It engages students in a lot of playful learning practices, and it has a heavy focus on not just building those reading skills, but also building the background knowledge opportunities for children to talk and interact with each other. Boston has really transformed the majority of their elementary schools now, and that has spread. Those approaches have spread to other parts of Massachusetts as well as Maine. The Focus Curriculum is open source, so anyone can take and use it or adapt it for their state specifics or regional differences.聽

Is it a more rigorous academic program or is it more play-based?聽

Both. It’s aligned with Massachusetts standards, and it incorporates within the curriculum these play-based approaches. 

And that’s something you’d like to see spread more widely?聽

Yes. Or other curriculum materials like that. And I would just say [that] for young kids, including kindergarten through at least second grade, the play-based approach is the rigor for those kids, because it’s how they learn best, when looking at the science of early learning and development. And it doesn’t mean free play, that kids are just doing whatever all day 鈥� Looking at Boston, that play-based learning is guided play. Teachers are curating the kinds of materials that are in different center activities. They are moving around the room when children are engaged in those activities, asking probing questions to 鈥� support children in using different vocabulary or getting at the specific standard that teachers are wanting to focus on in those particular centers. So it’s structured, it’s guided by the teacher and it’s rigorous. 

What鈥檚 your perspective on delaying kindergarten, as some experts recommend, especially for boys?

I would say that the problem isn’t that 5-year-old boys aren’t ready for kindergarten, or that some kids aren’t ready for kindergarten. It’s that kindergarten has become unready for 5-year-olds. Five-year-olds are active social learners, particularly young boys 鈥� and kindergarten teachers aren’t able to 鈥� or, in some cases, aren’t sure how to 鈥� deliver those active social learning opportunities. That’s the real challenge. So red shirting 鈥� or holding kids back a year isn’t going to solve that problem. 

Why is relationship-building so important in kindergarten classrooms?

Before children can learn from their teachers, they have to be able to trust them. That鈥檚 not a nice-to-have. Those relationships have to be in place between the teacher and the student, regardless of the grade, but it’s particularly important in kindergarten, when many children are coming together for the first time with another adult or with other children. They’re a core piece of that learning. 

How does technology support relationships and play? Or does it interfere?

I visited several classrooms in different places where children are on tablets 鈥� for much of the day or for too much of the day. There’s a place for technology. I think some of the programs that children are using are suited for supporting differentiation or just meeting specific skills that children are developing. 鈥� But the technology doesn’t build relationships. They’re a tool, not a teacher, and we shouldn’t treat them in schools as if they can replace a teacher and a relationship. 

Were there classrooms you walked into while writing this book and you were like, “Aha, this is it. This is what it ought to be like”?聽

There were a lot where I felt like I just wanted to stay all day, but in this one particular room [in Maine], I got into the classroom before students started coming in, and as students were coming in, the teacher was greeting them and asking them questions. This was a Monday. One question she asked was, “How did that softball game go this weekend?” 鈥� She was just picking up on things that she knew about students and digging in and asking them how certain things went and following up on that. And then students, during their morning work as everyone was coming in, there had been strong routines built because they knew exactly what they were going to be doing. They got their 鈥� morning STEM toys out, and they were sitting at tables and doing different things with their table mates. And that was just more of a before the day started free activity, a lot of choice in that, but kids were talking, they were working together. 鈥� Then they came together for their morning meeting. 鈥� That start of the day is a really important way to help children feel welcome and ready to learn and ready to be in a community with both their teacher and fellow classmates.

What else stood out from your travels?

I visited a classroom in Oklahoma [and] the teacher noticed the energy of her class was dipping. Her kids needed a break. So she called [for] a little dance party 鈥� two minutes to help everybody reset 鈥� and then got back to what her instruction was. In Ferndale, Washington, the superintendent has made play-based learning a priority for the whole district in kindergarten, and they鈥檙e moving it up to first grade too. The way that works is, there’s an hour of dedicated time that follows reading instruction. The students are essentially taking what they’ve learned in that reading block and then applying it to play-based learning. 

What鈥檚 one recommendation for making the transition from pre-K to kindergarten smoother?

One thing I would say is to give pre-K through first grade teachers dedicated time to plan together. 鈥� Having that dedicated time to think together and to plan together is one of the most high-leverage things that schools can do. Teachers appreciate it too.

What advice do you have for parents?聽

Ask questions about what kindergarten looks like. What opportunities are there for play-based learning, for building relationships, for science? One of the things I point out is that science is almost all but gone from a lot of kindergarten classrooms because there’s just not the time for it. So really probing and asking those kinds of questions of the teacher, but also of the principal is important for parents to be doing. 

What about policymakers?

Kindergarten is really the only grade where we fund it like an afterthought, but then [we] call it this important foundation. We should invest in what it takes to deliver on the teaching and learning that aligns with how we know students learn.

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. 鈥�  can conjure a familiar scene: adults crammed into child-size chairs, listening to teachers run through a list of students鈥� achievements and struggles.

For many families, they can also mean frustration. Today鈥檚 school conferences are sometimes 15 to 20 minutes, with little time for parents to ask their own questions. Adults may arrive with their own baggage about their time in school. They may be worried about being judged or dreading what a teacher may say about their child. 

For teachers, conferences can mean pressure to give a snapshot of a child鈥檚 progress, with the next opportunity to connect months away 鈥� if at all.

The conference may be brief, but it can set the tone for a family鈥檚 relationship and partnership with the teacher. Parents, teachers and school administrators have these tips to make the conference productive and help build a stronger connection between home and school.

Communicate early and figure out what works

Schools typically offer several early opportunities for parents and teachers to connect, from meet-the-teacher events and  nights to open houses. By the time conferences are on the calendar, parents and teachers should already be communicating.

But sometimes it can take weeks, or even months, to hear from your child鈥檚 teacher, who must establish relationships with dozens of families. Don鈥檛 wait, say parents and teachers alike. Take the initiative and reach out yourself.

鈥淒o you want to set your child up for success? It鈥檚 a yes or no. And if it鈥檚 a yes, then you have to be very involved,鈥� said Bell White, a Houston mother of two.

When her son Lennox, now 8, was in preschool, four teachers came and went during the school year. White quickly learned how important it was to stay engaged with the school.

Since then, she has introduced herself to each of her son鈥檚 teachers at the first opportunity, even if virtually. She tells them how she prefers to communicate 鈥� whether over email, phone or via a school app 鈥� and when she鈥檚 most reachable. 

Technology can make it easier for parents with multiple children or busy schedules to stay connected and for teachers to send quick messages or reminders. But with , some parents say it helps to establish a preferred way to communicate.

Early in the relationship, parents and teachers should focus on building trust, said J.B. Robinson, a clinical psychologist and dean of students at National University in San Diego. Positive interactions are like putting money into a relationship bank that can be drawn on when challenges arise, he said. For parents, that can mean showing interest in the classroom and recognizing the effort that goes into creating a positive learning environment. Teachers can similarly begin with questions about the individual child, rather than immediately moving into classroom expectations or academic performance.

Whatever the nature of your first communication with a teacher, try not to worry that you鈥檙e bothering the teacher. Your child鈥檚 growth is the priority, and communicating with you is part of the teacher鈥檚 job.

Make the time count

Parent-teacher conferences are designed to address students鈥� academic and social progress, identify concerns and discuss what comes next, but there may not be time to cover everything parents or teachers want to discuss.

鈥淭he teacher and the parent need to go in with realistic expectations as to what can actually be accomplished in one parent-teacher conference and see that more as a starting point for a conversation,鈥� said Robinson, the psychologist.

The meetings can also be ripe for tension. Teachers may be having dozens of back-to-back conferences, while parents may arrive with weeks鈥� worth of questions, all seemingly valid. Depending on the school and the child鈥檚 grade, some teachers follow a set agenda, with presentation slides, packets or lists of topics to cover.

Emily Henderson, who teaches first and second grade at BASIS Charter School in Flagstaff, Arizona, says her conversations are mostly individualized, with some focusing more on academics and others on social-emotional needs.

鈥淲e use parent-teacher conferences to really talk about strengths, talk about weaknesses of students, and then come up with a plan together to address those concerns or address those needs,鈥� Henderson said.

Given time constraints, parents should come with just a few thoughtful questions, teachers say. But remember this is a starting point. It鈥檚 totally reasonable to set up another conference later in the year, even if your school doesn鈥檛 have one scheduled. Or you can continue the conversation online or over the phone.

What to do if your kid is present

Some schools recommend that students join the conference, and in other cases, a parent may want to bring them along 鈥� or need to, if they lack child care. For younger students, teachers recommend asking in advance whether they should attend, if that is an option. If you do plan to bring the student or younger siblings, let the teacher know ahead of time so they can prepare for a more engaging meeting or set up a few distractions.

If younger students are present, it is up to administrators and teachers to engage them and speak directly to them, said Kellie Hintze, head of school at BASIS Flagstaff.

鈥淲hen I have younger students at a meeting, we typically have a mini meeting with the student and the parent,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hen we can dive a little deeper or have those long, drawn-out conversations that a student wouldn鈥檛 want to be a part of or be able to focus through.鈥�

Older students have more agency over their learning and are better positioned to contribute to discussions about their progress, challenges and possible next steps, experts say.

鈥淲e鈥檙e doing students a disservice when we鈥檙e not teaching them how to advocate, when we are not teaching them those communication skills, to have the tough conversations when they need to be had,鈥� said Kendrick Friendly, who is a high school assistant principal with Denver Public Schools. 鈥淭his is a safe space for those conversations to happen.鈥�

Questions to consider

Parents don鈥檛 need to arrive with a long list of questions. A few thoughtful ones can help clarify what a teacher considers success, what they are seeing in the classroom, what support is available and how to stay connected throughout the year.

Consider asking:

1. How do you prefer to communicate with parents, and how often should we check in?

2. What does success look like for my child this year?

3. How do you identify when a student is falling behind, and who should I speak with about getting additional support?

4. What are you noticing about my child that I might not see at home?

Leave with a plan

Parent-teacher conferences do not resolve every concern, but they should identify next steps, whether those are regular check-ins, strategies for improved behavior or additional resources, such as tutors, specialized instruction or extracurricular activities.

Before leaving, make sure everyone knows what happens next, who is responsible for it and when you鈥檒l check back in. Don鈥檛 be afraid to request another conference later in the year. Remember: Your child鈥檚 growth is the priority, and it will take everyone in the room to get there.

This story was originally published by The Associated Press

The Associated Press鈥� education coverage receives financial support from multiple private foundations. AP is solely responsible for all content. Find AP鈥檚  for working with philanthropies, a  of supporters and funded coverage areas at AP.org.

In the 21st century, the scope and complexity of issues have piled up, constituting what Ariella Cook-Shonkoff refers to as a 鈥減olycrisis鈥� 鈥� which she defines as a 鈥渁 confluence of overlapping existential stressors鈥� in her recent book, Raising Anti-Doomers: How to Bring Up Resilient Kids through Climate Change and Tumultuous Times.

The book guides parents and caregivers through navigating difficult conversations about  topics like climate change, racism, pandemics, gun violence and political polarization. 

A 鈥渄oomer mindset,鈥� as Cook-Shonkoff describes it, is a psychological barrier that 鈥渄eflates your energy, and squashes your sense of purpose and meaning in life. It can feel like a quick knee-jerk emotional response that overcomes you, or it can gradually eclipse you until one day you wake up under a blanket of depression.鈥� The antidote, in a word, is hope.

Cook-Shonkoff draws from her experiences as a marriage and family therapist and as a former member of the executive committee of the , which promotes climate-aware therapy. Here, she shares parenting insights from her book and emphasizes the importance of maintaining a clear-eyed view of what鈥檚 at stake for children, families and the planet.

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Many of the parents you quote in the book said they feel isolated and ill-equipped for the challenges they鈥檙e faced with. How did we get to this point?

What we see again and again is a failure of adults in charge 鈥� whether in government or private sectors 鈥� to protect kids’ best interests and consider their healthy development and safety. Be it common-sense gun safety laws, digital-free school environments, restrictions on social media accounts, and so on. Wherever there was bipartisan compromise or regulatory bodies in the past to protect children’s health, it’s nonexistent now. So unfortunately the onus 鈥� and immense burden of raising kids 鈥� has shifted fully onto parents.

What made you want to make this more than just a book about climate change?

The book really was born out of some of my personal experience in grappling with raising kids while the wildfires were starting to intensify in Northern California. It was originally going to be a climate-focused book, and then my publisher and I decided to expand that. 

It’s hard to separate climate from all the other layers of existential stress. For example, I’ve worked with undocumented families, and for children, there can be real fear in leaving behind their parents and going to school. They hold that anxiety, and it manifests, often as a stomachache or a headache.The book also addresses gun violence and school shootings. It’s absolutely traumatic to be in school, a place of learning and curiosity, and to have to do active shooter drills again and again. 

How young is too young to talk about these topics?

People want an easy formula for this, but it comes through trial and error. I don’t think you necessarily need to introduce the tough subjects at a really young age. There’s a protected time when you’re filtering out a lot of the realities and letting your kid grow up into the world and make connections. As they get older and more curious, kids are asking questions and hearing things at school, and you have less control over what they’re exposed to. That鈥檚 when it becomes important to think about how to bring up a subject that is not maybe the most pleasant. There鈥檚 an expression, 鈥淣o fear before fourth grade,鈥� which means not introducing really scary stuff before they’re able to get support and think through issues in a slightly more sophisticated way. 

Sometimes, the subjects come up before fourth grade.

Parents don’t always have a choice, depending on different factors, about when they have difficult conversations with their kids. But I think how you talk is what makes the difference. If you speak in a gentle voice, and you’re calmer, and your own nervous system is regulated, that鈥檚 very different from if you鈥檙e on edge, sad, depressed. Do you have a lot of unprocessed emotions yourself? Those can transfer onto your kids. 

Beyond acknowledging the polycrisis, it sounds like taking care of yourself is one thing you want parents and caregivers to come away with. What are some other words of wisdom parents need right now?

Yes, taking care of ourselves and just continuing to regulate our nervous systems because we have to remember that it filters down to the kids. That’s really critical. I think that “the parent club” [a tool Cook-Shonkoff uses in her book to describe a community including parents, guardian, caregivers, foster parents, involved family or community members] is a way that parents can support each other. Parent groups have enormous potential for developing community and resilience in the face of toxic politics and culture.

How do parents move from self-care to social change? 

We do have to do emotional processing, or, as I call it, emotional metabolizing, and we can’t squash or deny and keep pretending life is a certain way. We have to just be real about it. And from there, we can raise healthier families and take action and have some society-level impacts. If you develop those capacities early in a child, by the time they鈥檙e in high school, they鈥檙e ready to be advocates for themsleves and to be part of their communities. 

What else have you seen that works?

My book explores spending time in the more-than-human world [a phrase coined by ecologist and geophilosopher David Abram]. We can see our place in the world or just understand things differently when we’re out in the natural world. Spending time in communities, creating these little intentional communities, making music, writing lyrics, writing poems, creating art, making a mural 鈥� all that stuff is more powerful than people realize. 

Who or what gives you hope?

Two women who influenced my work recently passed. One of them was Jane Goodall. Meeting her in my hometown when I was 17 years old was pivotal for me. She started a youth program in our town, and I was a president of the environmental club in the high school and was on this panel with her. Her steady advocacy around animal welfare, the environment and human rights countered my frustration with the adult world. It showed me that some adults did care. There was both a gentleness and firmness to her demeanor, and I could tell that she was a quiet force to be reckoned with. Joanna Macy, an eco-Buddhist philosopher-activist, also meant a lot to me. When I first came across her work, as a mom with my own eco-anxiety, it felt relieving to have my intense feelings of hope and grief so well articulated. And that she had a clear program 鈥� and a literal path forward through all of my pain and fear 鈥� was a lifeline for which I remain grateful for today.

In truth, John Ireland was a Liverpool-born union organizer who worked alongside C茅sar Ch谩vez and Dolores Huerta for the rights of grape pickers in California. His wife, Barbara Ireland, had a housecleaning business and sold clothes that she sewed herself; eventually she became a nurse and founded a fundraising walk in honor of a friend who died of breast cancer.

When the kindergartener finally blurted out that her dad worked for labor unions, the news was greeted with a collective shrug. 鈥淚t was so boring,鈥� she laughs. 鈥淭hey didn’t get it.鈥�

Ireland went on to become a world-famous fashion model, gracing the covers of Vogue, Cosmopolitan and, most famously, Sports Illustrated, and she followed that act with an even more impressive executive encore. As CEO of kathy ireland Worldwide (kiWW)鈥攍isted as the 15th most powerful brand in the world by License Global, the highest ranking ever for a woman-owned company鈥攕he oversees an extensive array of products including fashion for women, men and children; intimate apparel; accessories; fine jewelry; weddings and resorts as well as publishing, film, television, music, artist and athlete management. Alongside these ventures, she is a consistent advocate for human rights and religious freedom, with philanthropic commitments including the war on sex trafficking, improved access to medical care, recovery from addiction for men, women and children, and honoring America’s brave military members and their families.

Married 33 years and a new grandmother, Ireland recently caught Early Learning Nation鈥檚 attention on social media because of her enthusiastic participation in the #ClearTheList campaign, helping teachers obtain school supplies. 鈥淲e’re sending thousands of products into schools,鈥� she says. 鈥淪ome of them are from our own collections; others we’re purchasing.鈥�

For Ireland, the campaign was an obvious way to express herself philanthropically. 鈥淭eaching, like nursing, is one of the most underappreciated life commitments anyone could possibly make,鈥� she says. 鈥淭hey are already overworked. Why should they spend their own money on school supplies, when they need it for their own families?鈥� She credits singers Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr.鈥攁 married couple who first got together while in the group the Fifth Dimension鈥攚ith bringing the campaign to her attention. (Ireland鈥檚 new label, EE1, put out their latest album, Blackbird: Lennon-McCartney Icons, which hit No. 1 on the album charts)

Here are Ireland鈥檚 5 top tips for leaving the world a better place than how you found it.

1. Figure out what your gifts are. 鈥淚 encourage people to really figure out their strengths and to focus on what makes them thrive,鈥� she says. 鈥淓ven if it鈥檚 pulling your mask down to give a smile.鈥� Ireland celebrates acts of kindness that give children hope and encouragement. 鈥淲e can all do our part to remove fear.鈥�

When it comes to parenting, she says, 鈥淚 can’t think of anything harder or more important than raising children. Being a mom, being a dad, does not get the type of respect that it deserves because there鈥檚 no paycheck attached. I often think of the Loretta Lynn song, 鈥極ne’s On the Way.鈥欌��

2. Know your priorities. Nobody can do everything. Ireland notes that many parents today are caring for aging relatives, often on top of professional responsibilities. 鈥淚 was 40 before I learned that 鈥楴o,鈥� is a complete sentence,鈥� she admits. 鈥淢y personal priorities are my faith, my family and being of service through my work. When I don’t honor that, I’m a disaster, not effective. I’m not as well equipped to deal with whatever’s going to hit me throughout the day.鈥�

3. Get acquainted with the gift of rejection. 鈥淲hen I was four,鈥� Ireland recounts, 鈥渕y very first job was a combination of business and design that was a solid indicator of what my life鈥檚 work would be. I sold painted rocks with my sister, from my wagon, door to door.鈥� Not everybody bought a rock, even after she slashed prices. Later, she had a paper route and encountered more rejection. Despite her success in modeling, she also remembers all the magazine covers she didn鈥檛 get, but the sense stayed with her that she could still believe in herself and persist in spite of rejection.

4. Use your voice. This piece of advice was the hardest for Ireland herself鈥攕omeone whose former job description was, in her words, 鈥渟hut up and pose鈥濃�攖o follow. 鈥淚t took many years for me to come out of that shy and selfish shell,鈥� she admits. 鈥淣ow I recognize that there are needs and opportunities so much greater than me. If sharing what we’ve been through can benefit someone else鈥攐ur struggles or failures, successes, all of it鈥擨 recognize… I recognize that comfort is irrelevant. There’s a lot of work to be done.”

5. Stand up for the vulnerable. When kiWW launched 28 years ago, the first product off the assembly line was a pair of socks. Surprise factory inspections were always a part of the manufacturing process. 鈥淵ou can have a beautiful product,鈥� she says, 鈥渂ut how does it come to market? Anybody can clean up if they know you’re coming. That commitment continues to this day,鈥� and it stems directly from her father鈥檚 devotion to workers鈥� rights. Ireland recalls him fighting to get outhouses placed in the field so farm workers could relieve themselves with dignity. He also campaigned to equip the workers with long hoes, which were easier on their backs, even though the owners wanted them to work with short hoes, which supposedly helped the profit margins.

Ireland wasn鈥檛 born wealthy, but her entrepreneurial instincts have served her well over the years, and she is now the name that other models regularly invoke when they envision their post-fashion careers. She never forgets her father鈥檚 insistence on appreciating what they had. 鈥淲e used to take trips across the border, and Dad would always point out the housing conditions of the people who lived there, houses literally made out of cardboard,鈥� she says.

If her father鈥檚 example of gratitude has stayed with her, it鈥檚 her granddaughter, Daisy, who helps her stay grounded today. 鈥淣o matter what’s going on in your day,鈥� Ireland says, 鈥渨hen you look in Daisy’s eyes and she gives you that big smile, it’s like, 鈥榃hat? What was I bothered by?鈥欌��